Dear Marketing World,

I know you are infatuated with me.  This is obvious since you can’t stop calling me, mailing me, emailing me and even texting me…at all hours…. even when the world is sleeping you are trying to sneak a little time together.  Shame on you! I think it is time for a serious discussion.

There are some things you need to know.  Please take notes.  Memorize them:

I am not a massage parlor.

I do not EVER attend “Spa and Beauty” conferences.  I don’t attend any conferences when they are held in Las Vegas.  Or when the cost is only, $2999.99 excluding airfare. (Seriously?)

I do not give “therapeutic” massages.

I do not want your help with Google+. Really.  Believe me on this one.

I do not give Botox injections.  In fact, I don’t give ANY injections of any kind. Never will.  I am firm on this.

I do not give any massages.

I do not do hair or nails AND I don’t want to spend my last dime to learn how. 

I do not want to know about the latest chemicals I can use to “better my products and increase my sales”.

I do not give massages…ever…for any reason…EVER. Stop asking!

I do not want to pay you skads of money so you can help me increase the traffic to my blog. Nope..not a dime. I’m serious.  Call me crazy, I know!

I do not employ “skin specialists” that I want to send to your 2 day conference for $5,000.

I do not want your help with Google+. Calling me twice a day…EVERY day will NOT change my mind.

Do not call me and warn me “DO NOT HANG UP!”  It compels me to hang up immediately.  Yes, I’m that kind of woman. It’s the principle you see – do you really think I’ll take orders from a stranger?

I’m sorry it has come to this (not really) but we must part ways.  I think you might fall in the category of stalking.  You waste my time.  When I did answer the phone, you were pushy and rude.

I no longer read your letters, folders, packets of info…you are just fodder for bonfires we now enjoy at your expense.  Toasted marshmallows…mmmmm….yummy!  Thanks!

I don’t answer your calls anymore.  I have renamed you…phones let us do that now.  Your new name is “SPAM”.  

I want to break up. 

Don’t call me, mail me or text me anymore…and as Grandma used to say “don’t let the door hit you on the backside as you leave”.

By the way…”Rachel with card services”…just in case you are reading this –          go away.  forever.